arje

You know i just keep thinking that im the only one gonna be left in greensboro....all my friends are going to move on to colleges outside of greensboro, not only that but ones that are the best like carolina...hopefully iapos;ll get there one day, but idk how hard its gonna be....im trying my best...but will i be able to do it/? i hope so...iapos;ve come too far to give up now...

i wish that things could have been better i was at the grimsley high school game today and they played against page that game was awesome...
i wish i could have gone to grimsley...it would have been great
i wish that i could have gotten great grades and made it into carolina
i wish that i could have played a sport if i had been skinny enough or fit enough or been a cheerleader or something
am i just lame??

sometimes i feell like wen im with my friends that they dont care for wat i have to say...iapos;ll say something and it seems as tho they just completely ignore me...idk maybe its just me...they dont always do that but sometimes i just think that...idk

today when we were on holden road goin to the game...me and kruti and binal were talkin and binal was like divya look to ur left and i saw roshan staring at us...binal said that she saw him staring at us...so she was like who the heck is that.. We got freaked for a second...weapos;re like omg hope its not nipul...and then we were talkin to him...and heapos;s like where yapos;all going and i was like weapos;r goin to the game...he was mostly talkin to kruti b/c sheapos;s good friend with his gf minisha....thats great and all, but he barely even talks to me anymore...the other day at garba...i was like ok let me say hey to him b/c he usually says it to me so i was like iapos;ll say it to him...and i was like hey...and he barely even said hey to me...i smiled at him when playin dandiya and he smiled bakc..but ok u cant say a proper hey to an old friend....idc he can do what he wants i still have respect for him as a friend...but today he kinda did talk to me...mostly to kruti...so we were like u going to the game and he was like no im going home and we were trying to talk while driving, but then we had to go...so we get to the parking lot...and we see him there drinving around...so binal and kruti were like follow him...and we did but i was trying to look for a parking spot so i stopped and then later binal was like y did u stop following him...i wanted to find out where he was going..i was like i was looking for a parkin spot....ahh w/e who cares abt wat he was doin there...he can do wat he wants ...his life...w/e .....it was pretty funny tho...yea i thought it was pretty rude that he barely talks to me anymore, but i guess thats just life...not everything is gonna last forever...i rmr the good old days when we were friends and stuff...nothing can replace that i guess...lol

then kruti called minisha and told her that she was with me and wat happened...i told her that he was weird and she was like no heapos;s not...i was abt to say...a lot u would know...lol but w/e she prob. Knows him better now....no heapos;s a good person from what i know...

you know i make fun of ppl but its sarcastically i dont mean wat i say...i always think that everyone is a good person and i try to look for that good person within them...

sometimes i think wat am i being punished for...

you know what for the future i will always rmr that if i ever have any children then i will always give them everything that i never had the chance to do...i hope that bhagwan will give me the chance to live my dreams through them...i hope that they will not deceive me when they grow up.� i know its too early to think of that..b/c i dont even know if i will find the right guy for me...its so hard to say rght now....idk...idk if i will end up with the one person that i love....idk wat the future holds in store...its exciting to find out but im starting to grow impatient b/c with the way things are going now i have a feeling that somethings wont turn out the way i wanted them too....i guess i just have to suck it up and deal with it....
arje, arje salon, arjelis y su grupo nv, arjen.

bong cleaning

So the landlord realized he sucks at book keeping, they are looking into my complaint at my job, its been a rough fuckin week.... I am in binghamton waiting for this crazy ass bus driver to get on the bus so we can go...

Was supposed to go into chez this morning, but the beauty of having a blacberry for work and your boss being in poland, is that you can telecommute without anyone knowing

You know your in upstate ,) when you see "mc cain/palin lawn thingies.... Its almost blasphemous... Not that I am 100 percent obama, but I guess I was raised to believe that your politics are your own business... I will talk about my beliefs no doubt, but a lot of what I believe is out side of american political norms anyway.

Speaking of outside of america. I have seriously been looking into dramatherapy programs in the uk. The one that I like the most is at Roehampton in London. There are a few very awesome scholarship programs too where you could get a free ride that - am looking into as well. If I play my cards right, - could be ther bu the fall of 2010. And looking svelte to boot.

This surgery is still scareing me, but I am moving forward. I tried to think of other things I have done in my life that have changed my life forever.... At first I could not think of anything cause I was not looking at it from the right perspective. Then I realized - do this kinda life changing shit all the time.....DUH - mean there is moving to seattle, moving to NYC, going to college.... I do it all the time all by myself, this is nothing different. I mean it is but it isnapos;t, if you follow me. I have never been so ready for a change...

And speaking of which, I am hungry... I should have had more then a pastry and some iced tea this morning... I will be in ithaca soon enough though
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charles dicken's

OK so iapos;m taking a break in studying for an LJ update.
GYm today was awesomer than normal elliptical was the same as always 20 minutes- but i boosted the resistence another level. The treadmill i actually jogged/ran the whole 20 minutes and the bike was my relaxing iapos;m still moving but iapos;m reading my indiana jones book so i donapos;t go insane this semester.

now iapos;ve read about 100 pages of pirates only.. 400 more pages to go
Tonight i REALLY need to write at least 8 pages of my thesis so i donapos;t freak out next week cuz next week i have a midterm the week after that i have an outline and working bibliography due for another research paper- as well as a topic proposal due for my 3rd rearch paper of the semester. I also need to start gathering supplies for my final project in pirates but thats the least of my worries right now.

on other news- my hair is curly today- i just decided not to do anything with it and srunched gel in it- i think it looks cute but i also havenapos;t look in a mirror lately so iapos;m not really sure

ugh school you own my soul and it makes me sad

and i want my literature review back

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After a 20 rush, 109 yard effort by broncos running back Michael Pittman against the Jaguars it doesn't seem as if Pittman will be giving the starting job back to Selvin Young any time soon.� With Selvin Young out against Jacksonville with a groin injury, Michael Pittman was given the starting job due to his strength and ability to plow through tackles.

Not only did Michael Pittman put up good numbers against one of the best run defenses in the NFL, he also contributed in protecting Jay Cutler by picking up blitzes.� With Pittman helping the offense in all kinds of ways, the Broncos do not know what they are going to do when Selvin Young comes back from injury, or when their 5th round draft pick out of Arizona State, Ryan Torain returns.� If the Broncos start running the ball effectively, it could help the play action, and give Jay Cutler more time in the pocket.

At the start of this season, Michael Pittman was looked to in short yard situations including pounding the ball on the goal line.� Now, with an injury to Selvin Young, Andre Hall not getting many carries, and a Broncos offense that has scored under 20 points in the last three games, Michael Pittman just might be that play maker they need.�

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Do you know how long itapos;s been since I got laid?

A really freaking long time, thatapos;s how long. Like, distances measured in years, which makes me a sad panda. Or rather, made me a sad panda. Made.

Because I FINALLY have a boy again, and itapos;s making me uncharacteristically giddy. Iapos;m anxious to see what this does to my writing. I had quite a few angsty stories in the works, but now everytime I put fingers to keyboard I seem to get nothing but KITTENS AND RAINBOWS, OMG.

Apparently endorphins do wonders for my moods. Whoapos;d a thunk? Sex: better than anti-depressants any day of the week.

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frustrative

So Iapos;ve finally decided to write on this thing. I�forgot I�had this account so Iapos;m going to start using it.

NO�MORE making accounts and not using them

And here goes...


As for today, Iapos;m not up to much. Its cold so Iapos;m just sitting here cuddled up with a blanket trying to keep warm. I hate being cold yet I kinda like days like this where I�can just cuddle up and watch tv or talk on here. Its relaxing.

Iapos;ve really gotten into the show Wife Swap. Its what Iapos;m currently watching. Its quite interesting to see how different people live. I never thought people did some of the things they do until I watched this show.


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beauhorn

I heard this song on the radio this morning on the way to work and I liked. I posted the lyrics so Iapos;ll remember them. The song is "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New.

If it makes you less sad I will die by your hand. I hope you find out what you are, I already know what I am. And if it makes you less sad weapos;ll start talking again. You can tell me how vile I already know that I am.

Iapos;ll grow old and start acting my age. Iapos;ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. A crown of gold, a heart thats harder than stone but it hurts a whole lot and its missed when its gone.

Call me a safe bet, Iapos;m betting Iapos;m not. Iapos;m glad that you can forgive, Iapos;m only hoping as time goes on you can forget.

If it makes you less sad, Iapos;ll move out of this state. You can keep you yourself. Iapos;ll keep out of your way. And if it makes you less sad Iapos;ll take your pictures all down. Every picture you paint I will paint myself out.

Itapos;s cold as a tomb and its dark in your room when I sneak to your bed to pour salt on your wounds. So call it quits or get a grip. You say you wanted a solution, you just wanted to be missed.

Call me a safe bet, Iapos;m betting Iapos;m not. Iapos;m glad that you can forgive. Iapos;m only hoping as time goes on you can forget. So you can forget.

You are calm and reposed, let your beauty unfold. Pale white like the skin stretched over your bones. Spring keeps you ever close, you are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins. Holding on to yourself the best you can. You are the smell before rain, you are the blood in my veins.

Call me a safe bet, Iapos;m betting Iapos;m not. Iapos;m glad that you can forgive. Iapos;m only hoping as time goes on you can forget.
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I am shocked.

I have never been so shit on in my life.

For those of you that know me, you know I play wow, and previously I played on EU servers, where I was in a kickinapos; rad guild with tons of friends, lots of 70s; I had it made.

Then I get a well paying 9-5 job, so I can no longer make european times, at all. I switch to the US realms. My friend from college played on Emerald Dream, so I hopped into their guild. Little did I know that this guild was the most backwards guild on the planet.

The guild called "The Wraiths" was forged from a FPS clan. That was my first red flag. Their main game was Americaapos;s Army, a free FPS created by the military, mainly for the purpose of brainwashing limp minded teenagers into joining the armed forces. That was my second red flag. The guild is run by my college friendapos;s boyfriend.

The guild was composed of maybe 10-20 players when I joined, and they had Kara runs going but always lacked a tank, so I rolled a Paladin, as it was something I wanted to play, albeit I would have rather played holy, but hey, they needed a tank, why not help them out.

I spent the next month or two busting my ass to level up, and gear up. After many heroics, farming runs, and quests, I was geared enough for Kara, and began attending, and was shortly passed leadership of the Kara runs. I also fixed up their webpage, and bought a second account and began dualboxing with triple EXP to level some more helpful characters.

About the same time as I became geared for Kara, about 30 - 40 of the "original" members disappeared. These were members of the "HIGH COUNCIL" of the wraiths, aka the head honchos. But they rarely logged on. The remaining members were annoyed that they had had kara on farm, but not people werenapos;t showing up. We recruited more people, and were attempting Kara, usually doing poorly unless we recruited pugs (yes pugs were better than most guildies).

Just to give an idea of atmosphere in the guild, there was a few original members who stuck to their FPS ways and logged onto TS, and linked items in gchat to point them out to their other buddies on TS. You can imagine how confusing this is to any member of the guild not aware that this guild was made from a FPS clan. Which was more than half the logged on members at any given point.

Now since these founders never logged on, and I was given a guild rank nearly equal with the guild master, I was under the impression that these founders were of no consequence and had little to no say what happened in the guild. I donapos;t think this is too horrible an assumption to make, as a MMORPG is highly different from a FPS, and itapos;s not like the majority of the people in the FPS side of the clan even cared what happened in the MMORPG side of the clan. The link between the FPS clan and the WOW guild would go unnoticed by anyone in the WOW world.

Then of course, I pissed off one of these founder guys that never logs on. I was happily leveling my dual boxing toons when some new recruit asks if I want to quest with him. I say no, Iapos;d rather not as it is already awkward enough dual boxing, I kill myself often. This founder guy gets on my case. Talks about how I should be helping everyone and that next time I ask for help (which is never, I only ask my close friends for help with anything and rarely at that) that this new guy would remember I said no.

Now Iapos;m all for helping people. However, just doing "quests" together is actually less of a help. My idea of help is doing instances and group quests. I have no problem in aiding with these, especially if itapos;s something I need as well. So if someone asks me to quest with them, the answer is pretty much always no, and if someone asks for help killing some alliance that is romping around corpse camping, the answer is no as well, because the alliance must have some reason to corpse camp you. I myself have never been corpse camped and I like to think itapos;s because I rarely attack alliance in the world. The only reason anyone would is because of my guild tag, and that is really saying something.

He goes on further to talk about an incident where a shadow priest was killing people by MCing them and jumping them off the cliff in thousand needles (freewind post). I said in guild chat that there was a shadow priest being a dick at 1knoodles if anyone wants to kill him. This guy was randomly online and decided to come "help". And by help, he ran on the lift, right to where the priest was at least three times, got MCapos;d and killed summarily. Way to show that alliance who is boss

I respond with "is that a dig at me?" and he plays dumb "oo i dunno is it" just being a plain old dick. I guess he is the type of person that if someone didnapos;t say thanks to him for holding the door, heapos;d stalk the person and murder them in their sleep for it. I donapos;t respond well to goading, so of course Iapos;m getting fucking pissed. Who the fuck is this shithead that logs on once a week, runs no instances, doesnapos;t show up for Kara runs, and just stirs the honey pot in guild chat? What the fuck?

Anywho, my hands are shaking so fucking bad, I log onto my main (second highest rank in guild remember) and demote the character he is on, some shitty alt. Course my hands are such a fucking mess, I put both hands on the mouse and still click in the wrong place, clicking the guild kick button that is right there. Well whatever. I go take a shower to calm down.

I come back slightly calmer, and demote the rest of his characters (though of course I missed one), say something in guild chat about talking to the guild leader. Then I go out shopping.

When I return all my characters are kicked from the guild. (Should have taken the gold in the guild valut and fucking split when I could) In these further days I have also been completely removed from their guild site.

So, tl;dr version:
I spend a few months of my life leveling and gearing, making friends with people in this guild, leading raids, well geared tank in the guild (a guild short of quality players, perhaps only 5 or so in the guild, and the guild leader even bought several characters and gold), only to clash with one old member that never logs on and be summarily kicked from the guild and site without any sort of discussion. (There may be one forthcoming, I donapos;t know.) It hurts heh. But whatever. Iapos;ll take my shit elsewhere.

If they wanted to keep their stupid FPS "brotherhood" then they shouldnapos;t have invited anyone to their little circle jerk party guild. Have fun going nowhere with that leadership.

Basically I miss SK *CRY* :
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